I got a few things to talk about but this one has got to come first. Today we did a group chat with 4 of us from work. One of the guys asks me if I heard about Lance Bass being gay. Here’s a summary of the rest of the conversation (I’m A, he’ll be H):
A: yep
H: was he your favorite?
A: i wasn’t into them too much. during the college years, not much music
H: what?! no music in college? were you religious or something?
A: huh? i was and am. i just meant all i did was school, homework and work
H: really?? i didn’t know that
A: you knew i taught sunday school sometimes
H: yeah, but i thought that was like community service or something you just did. well, not exactly that, but you know what i mean
A: nope, the real thing
H: that’s cool, tho, i didn’t know that about you
OK, he also knew I had been to youth camp, taught in VBS and I think he may have known I sing in the choir. Is it that hard to deduce that someone is “religious” from that? I don’t really know his background, especially religious one, except that he was born in Kuwait, grew up in I think Australia and maybe London in boarding schools, does not regularly practice religion, married an American girl who apparently goes to church but doesn’t believe in organized religion much and I once heard him say he’d basically believe whatever helped him out the most. He didn’t say that directly to me so I don’t want to take it out of context especially if he was joking but that’s the feel I get from him anyway.
So all afternoon all I can think about is what a crappy job I’ve done if someone I’ve worked with for years doesn’t even know I’m religious, much less a devout Christian. So I keep thinking, I’m just going to tell everyone I meet, did you know I believe in Jesus, that I’m a sinner, that Christ died for my sins, rose again and is preparing a place in heaven for me where we will reign eternally? And guess what, I’d really like it if you believed that too. OK, so I really don’t plan on doing that but I think it sucks that I haven’t been forthright enough that someone couldn’t figure that out. Now I hope he’s not recounting every conversation we had and trying to figure out if it all fits.
And it made me think of something. In some ways, I don’t like telling people I’m “religious”. I never wore the WWJD bracelets, don’t care for the fish car stickers, anything like that. I don’t feel “good enough” to broadcast that blatantly just because of the way people start picking you apart after that. But I think it’s sad that a lot of people have a stereotype of Christians or religious people that they think Christians believe they are perfect people. Somehow things you do that are “bad” are like 100 times worse just because you claim you are a Christian. And in reality, the fact that you claim you are a Christian is putting your stake in the ground that you aren’t perfect and need Christ. The first step in becoming a Christian (ever learn the ABC’s in VBS?) is to Admit you are a sinner. And even as I become a more mature Christian the more I realize that the very best we have to offer is filthy rags. So in that respect it’s hard for me to come right out and say it. In my heart of hearts, I don’t want people look at me and say THAT’S what a Christian looks like? Or do a double-take when I screw up and do something “unChristian-like” and then call me a hypocrite and say that’s why I’m not a Christian. I don’t mean to say I purposely hide that I’m a Christian. I openly talk to anyone about any question they have, a unashamedly talk about church and stuff that is going on there it’s just, I don’t take an extra step to show I am without a real connection with a person. I don’t know if I can explain it really except to say you probably won’t find a Christian t-shirt in my closet, you won’t find a fish sticker on my van, my cube at work wouldn’t have a calendar with pictures of gardens and verses on it, I don’t sign emails with or say God Bless to a cashier. Maybe I should, maybe I should take every opportunity to let anyone know I’m a Christian. It’s just some things some people do seem so, I don’t know, empty. Maybe I’m wrong and maybe H would have known I was “religious” if I had done something differently. Or maybe it’s just not something he was looking for and in his ignorance of our culture/habits didn’t realize what all the “clues” meant. I’m just saying it’s made me think about all of that.
Ok, that’s enough for one entry, I’ll move on.