I ended up finding a post for yesterday and can’t find one for today so I’m posting this one.
Well, I have nowhere else to put what I’m feeling except here. I went to church on Sunday and sat with G both am and pm. Monday we had bible study and a service thign about cults. I sat with him. Monday afterwards he asked me to go with him to the movies on Tuesday. I was in heaven. Monday when I got home I prayed for a dream to let me know if I was supposed to be with him or not. I had a dream we were going out. He called me Tuesday letting me know a friend had come into town that had moved and he was going to do something with him. I was cool with it because I kenw I was going to go to the service that night and I could see him there. I called N up to see if I could get a ride to the church and she was getting tires put on her car. I got I guess you could say depressed and lied down and went to sleep for 2 hours. I got up, ate, and went back to sleep. I had a dream that I was with G and a couple other people and we went to go talk to someone and he just left me. I got upset because I didn’t know why he left. When I woke up I became upset or depressed or something. I think I felt the dream showed or was trying to tell me that he didn’t really care about me. All morning I’ve been depressed because I felt like when I go to church tonight he’s just going to act like he doesn’t like me and ignore me like he did the first couple of days of camp. Now I don’t know how I feel. I keep trying to think about God and how he loves me but sometimes I think I need or I guess want someone to love me. I know I have family and friends but I finally thought I met someone who was perfect for me. He’s funny, kind a cute, a Christian. It just all fits and I guess when I thought about him not liking me it hurt. I didn’t know I liked him that much, but I guess I do. I’m just praying he feels the same way about me. It would be good to finally have somebody I could really like because the way they were and not because they liked me first. That’s another thing I’m worried about. What if he just likes me because I like him? I don’t know. I just need to know what he’s thinking. I’m sort of getting tired of liking someone for nothing. It’s sort of like when you like a car so much and you want it so bad, but you know there’s no way you could ever have it. [uh, yeah, like that]. I don’t want to waste my summer liking him when he’s not going to like me. Of course, at least 3 people have told me they thought he liked me, but they don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling. I guess he can’t hate me because he wouldn’t have asked me out if he did. Another thing that bothers me is HF. Monday night she was flirting all over him. I had to tell myself that I can’t hate her. When S like him, she would always get so upset when she would flirt with him and I never understood why she made such a big deal about it. Now I see exactly why she got upset. I guess it’s just insecurity. Thinking that if she does that, he’ll start liking her. But then again, I sort of have a right to be insecure about this whole thing. I mean he hasn’t exactly told me he likes me. Ughhh! This is too stressful!
What you need to know now:
*rolling eyes* What was that all about? Geesh, I think if anything, I wasted way too much worrying about all of it. I believe we did end up going out to the movies. I remember my mom driving me up to Charlotte to his house. Maybe we’ll get the details in a future post lol.