The last few weeks I feel like we’re turning some kind of corner in parenting. I’m starting to see rolling eyes, sighing, “fine”s, pouting, talk about boys and friends and stuff I just don’t like. They don’t respond to just a look and you have to work through many more heart issues. I want to be clear that overall my girls are happy, well-behaved and a joy to be around. It’s just when the hard times come, I feel out of my league. Older parents, please help. Do you have books, sites, DVDs, or just good ‘ol advice for us?
boarding school. jk of course.
Amy:
Lots of patience required here…there is a lot of this behavior modeled at school that encourages this phase. Let me be clear: It’s not all “someone else’s kid’s” fault, but that does factor in. Also, take a look at tv geared toward our girls. Parents, especially dads, are made to look like clueless, out-of-touch fools. The kids are portrayed as having all the smarts. You don’t see a whole lot of “Theodore Cleaver asking his mom or dad for advice” anymore on tv.
And truthfully, a lot of it just has to do with age. My girls both slide in and out of this kind of behavior on a regular (or non-regular) basis. It doesn’t really get “better” it just changes and evolves. But….it’s not as scary as it sounds. Some of my favorite parenting moments have come out of these defiant times. It might be time to change up how you reward or punish…and you may even need to change the way you respond to each girl. My girls are different. It sounds crazy, but I could never punish/correct Marti the same way I punished/corrected Regan. Rewards are different as well. There is a lot of pushing/pulling/trying to figure out who I am and who I’m gonna be going on here. Be patient. Remember how scary it was to be their age sometimes? Anyway, good luck…it will be fine, you will be great, and they are sweet girls. No worries, just life.
I, too, am starting to see that it’s getting harder. Callie says she’s not “getting a boyfriend until, like, college” but Lily says she’s “going to get her one in middle school”. Yes, that was a recent conversation. They’re good girls though so I’m counting on if I pray, pray, pray and try to keep growing myself, God will work it all out…
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My girls are going through the same thing and I’m back and forth on how to handle it. Especially the boyfriend stuff. I’m trying to let it roll because I’m worried that the bigger deal I make of it, the bigger deal it will be to her. But the attitude ( eye rolling, etc) is something I’ve cracked WAY down on. I’m not certain I’m going about cracking down in the right way, though. I looked on amazon and saw a few books that looked interesting, about teaching your kids self discipline and such. I’ll let you know if I get any and if so, what I think of them.
I feel for you. My daughter does the same thing and as much as it infuriates me, I try to keep calm and use it as a teachable moment. A lot of it comes from what they see at school and on tv, which has really gone to pot. Even Disney movies are full of sarcasm, etc. Don’t even get me started on their tv shows… When we witness this attitude in media, we discuss how it makes that person look, and she usually says that it makes them look “not nice.” We try to encourage good behavior all that we can.
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