Swirling

I think too much.  I do.  Sometimes I become somber and stare into space and Scott, well-versed in my thinking stance, stops me and says, “What are you thinking about?”  I think he would really like the conversation to go down like in Slingblade:

Vaughan Cunningham: You seem like a thinker. You seem to always be deep in thought. So what are you thinking right now?

Karl Childers: I’m thinking I could use some more o’ that potted meat, if you have any extry.

But alas, it’s usually not potted meat although Scott insists on quoting that conversation ad nauseum and laughing at himself. 

Sometimes I recall something someone said to me and rehash or something someone did to us and rehash and sometimes it’s some verse, blog post or book I just read, or really any combination.  And a lot of times, I feel like if I don’t get let them leak on to paper, they are forever swirling.  It’s like the drain is through my fingers and it’s the only release I get from the endless chatter in my brain.  So here is what has been swirling, some about as important as potted meat but others not as much.

Hell

Yep, I’ve been thinking a lot, a whole lot, about hell.  And I’m not scared to go there, it doesn’t threaten me, but Rob Bell has started an absolute whirlwind of debate on the Internet about his new book Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell and Every Person Who Ever Lived. I’ve read a few reviews but what I gather is he believes no one goes to hell, better known as universalism.  A Deeper Story featured an article about hell where the reader believes that there is a fire but people are annihilated in it and not tortured forever.  Be sure to read her follow-up article on her site.  And I’ve thought and thought and read verses and the only thing I come away with is the fact there IS a hell and there IS a fire and the point of it all is that I believe we WILL be separated from God for eternity if we don’t believe. 

Now, even that has come into question as I read the Bible.  I’ve always been taught, people have to “accept Jesus in their hearts” to go to Heaven.  But check out Romans 2 where it basically says people inherently know about the law even if they’ve never heard about the law or Jesus and they are a law unto themselves.  The question it seems is what do they do with the information they know?  As Rachel Held Evans talks about in her book Evolving in Monkey Town, exactly how much if any of Jesus does one need to know to go to heaven?  Yes, they are saved through Jesus but do they need to know his name?  I know it’s a can of worms.  But all of that has been swirling in my brain.  I want to reiterate I am confident in whom I believe and where I will be but I think about who might or might not be with me.

Work

A week from this very second I will be at the office for my second full day of my new job.  I know I said it was already my job and I’m just making it more permanent but this whole going to full-time hours (32 to 40) and part-time office thing really has me down.  I’ve been SO BLESSED to have been at home the past 8 years. Even though it’s so much work making that balance at home, it has become the standard here. 

Starting next week so much time will be spent away from home and especially on a long commute every day (1-1.5 hrs/day).  I’m really, really going to miss it.  I’m such a homebody!  The great news is I will only be gone the days that Scott is home so we are able to share in getting them from school.  No after-school care required (read: cheap).  I know really it’s only less than 10 hours per week I’ll be away from the kids more but 10 is 10.  And there is so much debate on the Internet about whether a mom should work or not.  We are to be “busy at home” they say.  Well, let me just through out there that I WILL be busy at home.  In fact, I foresee many later nights and earlier mornings keeping our house together.  Is it ideal?  Honestly, probably not.  I feel like I’ve had the ideal for 8 years.  But the alternative is find another job full time in the office or be a stay at home mom and honestly, neither of those sound inviting. I do enjoy the work that I do and the financial benefits are something serious to consider.  I’m actually pretty excited what we might do with the extra income if I’m honest.

But yeah, as excited as I am that I got the job, there is definitely some trepidation there.  Don’t even get me started thinking about this in combination with a possible adoption!

Decorating

Whew, something less controversial.  I’ve been scouring the Internet for ideas on how to decorate our new bedroom.  The bummer part is this whole coastal look is so popular right now and if you know me, I could never be happy in a white and blue bedroom.  Please put me in a cave to hibernate every night any day.  So, it’s making it harder but I still push forth.

The House

And of course, I can not quit thinking about every detail about the addition.  When is it starting? At what point do we do what?  Should we move this wall 2 feet? Have we picked out the brick?  Will it ever quit raining??

 

And so my brain swirls, yet I hope a little of my thoughts have permanently made their way through my fingers, caught in a world wide web, saved for you to find.