I lost a very important piece of paper yesterday and it left me panicky and feeling irresponsible and flighty.
Today I couldn’t find some medicine for our dog and I still can’t find it and it’s making me feel unorganized and not-together.
Other parts of life are feeling out of control.
Let’s start with food.
I was doing really well at the beginning of this year with all my P90Xing. I lost a bunch of weight. I was in my happy place, feeling great.
And then Spring popped up. Sunshine! Heat! The pool! P90X. Nobody had time for Tony and exercise bands anymore.
I never lose weight from exercising, but it does make me eat well so when I stopped exercising, I quit eating well. Add in summer vacations and celebrations and I gained all the weight back and then some more. Maybe you can tell, maybe you can’t. But I can. The only upside is I have boobs that are bigger than at least SOME 6th graders.
Normally I can snap myself out of a sugar addiction and get back on track. I throw the Mountain Dews and ice creams and cookies and cupcakes back onto the “No” list and start chomping on carrots again. But this time? It’s like I know how hard it is to let it go and eat well and I just don’t have the fortitude to make myself do it. Plus, Pumpkin Spice Lattes are just yummy.
My poor diet is making me tired and lazy and exercising sounds like a terrible idea even though I know how desperately I need to given my desk job.
Let’s not discuss the financial implications of these bad habits. Starbucks for breakfast? Sure! Milkshakes for dessert? Yes please! Taco Bell for lunch? I do hear that bell ringing.
Our finances have not been properly monitored for months now. We got hit with too many fees this summer just because I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t have the right money in the right place soon enough. Unexpected medical bills threw me off kilter.
That made me feel very irresponsible and icky too.
The seasons changing always makes me feel a little depressed. Addie Zimmerman called it Septembering yesterday. I relate to that even though mine doesn’t hit hard until we start Decembering.
Yesterday morning I forgot Emma’s Silk chocolate milk from her lunch and normally I’d just let her skip having it but I drove to the school at lunch and gave it to her. I was screwing some things up but missing milk? I could fix that. She’d have her milk, oh yes.
The tears I blame on PMS but the feelings are in there.
Inadequate, unorganized, undisciplined, lazy.
I’d like to say they’re lies but I don’t know. In some ways, they’re true.
Lysa TerKeurst posted this last night after ruminating on a lot of this:
God is okay with me even when I’m not okay with me. And that’s a beautiful truth.
That IS a beautiful truth.
What areas of life are you struggling with right now?
ahhh….so you are human afterall! God has a way of reminding us that we need him desperately. I love you and I never noticed all these imperfections you see. Love you Amy! Mom
Well, you are a little biased 🙂 Love you!
Amy recently posted…Struggling: A Confession
Oh, I can relate to this. At the beginning of summer I had a major life transition and then just a few weeks later broke my ankle. The past two months have been totally topsy turvy, leaving me feeling very out of control. Fall always motivates me, so I’m starting to regain my ground a bit (hello 5 hours of spreadsheets and budgets), but it’s slow going.
Amanda recently posted…Twitterature :: September 2013
Haha, laughing over here at the spreadsheets. Have one printed out on my desk now to get back on track! Sorry to hear you broke your ankle. Boo! I hope fall gets you back on track!
That IS a beautiful truth.
Thanks for sharing. I’m right there with you.
As much as I want to make a list and start perfection in every area ‘this morning’, I know that is not going to happen.
So, instead, I start with the basics I know I can manage, even on a bad day.
I make sure I am taking my vitamin B’s to help the emotions stay a little less dramatic (and I double the B’s for a little while when I find I am extra weepy).
I pour myself a large glass of water and try to consume it and a few more throughout the day.
I try to take the moments and tasks as they come through the day with the intention of doing my best at each of them. Then, when I have a blip and find myself slipping up on something I try to give myself the same grace I would if my little’n tripped up on something, remind myself I don’t have to be perfect, and put it behind me.
I also try to put into action things that I know help me follow through on something, for example when the mail comes in I open it all, toss what is garbage and highlight the due dates on bills before putting them on the desk on the bills pile. Or I throw out the last half of the bag of chips I know I’ll eat if I have the chance while no one is watching.
As for getting back to working out … sigh … that is my hardest struggle. I enjoy it once I get started, but getting started is SO HARD. But, it will happen.
Thanks for the reminder that I am not the only one that struggles with feeling “inadequate, unorganized, undisciplined, lazy”. Although I know God doesn’t want us to beat ourselves up because He loves us anyway, I think perhaps these feelings are a way we are prompted to do our best and be accountable, as there are consequences for our actions (we gain weight, we pay extra on bills, we don’t help our children how we could…).
Hugs and an encouraging, silly “You can do it!” high five coming your way.
Deb, thank you so much. “As much as I want to make a list and start perfection in every area ‘this morning’, I know that is not going to happen.” <-- I needed that. I'm an all or nothing gal so every ounce of me wants to fix all of this today. Thanks for the reminder to slow down and do the basics. *High five*
I can so relate to this, especially right about now. I feel like I’m still trying to take back control of my health…because I can remember a time when I really did have my stuff together. Before my thyroid up and quit on me! I’m trying so hard to get back to that now.
Stacey recently posted…A week full of Mondays