Good Monday morning, friends. I don’t know about you, but in a lot of ways I feel like last week was a long dark, black tunnel. After being snowed in with the snow storm and working to process terrible news last week, it’s like we lived in some extended world for a little and just this morning I’m feeling like we’re coming back. Much of it still lingers, but I do feel a path is open to move on.
One phrase has followed me since IF:Gathering weekend and I’m feeling like it’s the phrase God has for me right now. Just four words: under your own roof.
Jen Hatmaker first spoke these words in her IF:Gathering talk. She spoke about communion in Luke 22 and how the phrase “do this in remembrance of me” actually translates to meaning “constantly make this real.” It means just as Christ was broken and poured out for us, we are now to be the ones constantly being broken and poured out for others. She said, “the world is looking for someone constantly making it real.” For her, she found God leading her to the forgotten and neglected in her homeless community in Texas. She suggested, though, that we might need to start with those under our own roof. Are we constantly serving and making Christ real to our spouse and children?
That phrase stuck with me and during our small group time at IF, I shared with my friends that many times God has asked me why I am so willing to spend many hours to research, read, think and write for you guys here and yet, I am not often willing to put in such work for two little girls that he’s entrusted me with for only a few more years.
Just yesterday when I was writing in my journal, I was feeling frustrated that I feel the call to be more intentional with my girls but I am having a hard time connecting. Don’t get me wrong, we play games together and cook together and read together and talk at bedtime every night, but being super intentional with their spiritual lives isn’t coming easy.
Our pastor yesterday again talked yesterday about what it meant to be a disciple and how we are to go and make disciples. But how many times, the pressing work that needs done is to make disciples of those under our own roof.
I don’t mean to say that we’re to shut out the world and do no ministry outside of our homes. In fact, how will our children learn to serve if we are not serving? But I do think sometimes we are neglecting what is right in front of us as parents and unwilling to call that ministry too.
If there is one thing I want for my children it is to love the Lord. It is not so that they are perfect in life, but so when they are not perfect, they have a hope. I want them to make wise choices and love the Lord with all their heart and when they screw up, that they quickly know their sin and turn from it. I hope they find joy and purpose in Christ.
But here’s the thing. I don’t think this happens by accident. I don’t think we can sit idly by and hope they figure all that religion stuff out on their own.
1 Timothy 6:11 says we are to pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith. Our faith is a fight. It doesn’t just happen. We are to be on the offensive and pursuing what is good. We have to not just teach our kids that, but model it. Are we pursuing our own faith? Are we pursuing godliness in our children?
Many times we are leaving it up to bedtime prayers and if we’re part of the small percentage that actually go, to our local children’s church pastors. I don’t say that with condemnation to anyone but myself.
I realize much of our morals and beliefs and habits are passed down just by living life. But I think there’s something missing when we’re not constantly, intentionally striving to build our children’s faith right in the home. Part of that will be to take them to the local church, but it cannot be all of it. Part of that will be to say nightly prayers, but it cannot be all of it.
If I think back to my childhood there are many things that came together to build my faith:
- I was always able to ask questions about faith.
- Prayer was central to life. I listened to my mom pray on the phone, she prayed over me when I was scared, she prayed for me.
- My mom always was speaking about what the Bible said about any situation.
- My mom was always listening to sermons outside of Sunday morning.
- My parents read books to grow in their Christian walk.
- They played Christian music around the house and in the car and encouraged us as teenagers to do the same.
- They encouraged and sometimes forced our own quiet devotional times as we got older.
- They were picky about the friends I surrounded myself with.
- They took me faithfully to the local church—even when we didn’t want to go.
- We were forced outside to play and we traveled, giving us an appreciation for nature and God’s creation.
- They encouraged our gifts and talents and I watched them use their own gifts to serve others.
My parents aren’t the golden standard, but when I look back, I do see that a lot of it is starts with us as parents. We must be constantly making it real for ourselves and then boldly encouraging—and sometimes forcing–our children to do the same.
When you look in Scripture, it says that Scripture itself is useful for this. 2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
I think, though, that it’s intimidating and confusing on how to make Scripture part of their young lives. Do we just read? Do we memorize? Do we write it out? Do I have to make crafts? What do we do??
I’d love to hear either what you are doing as a parent to make disciples of your children or what your parents did that helped you.
Amen, Sister! Yes, this is exactly how I’ve been feeling too. For me it has come down to just committing my time to them, sitting and doing THEIR thing, instead of mine. This is very hard for me and has taken its toll on MY “things,” blog, hobbies, friendships, etc., but I’ve just been convicted that those opportunities will come around again whereas this season with my kids is fleeting. Secondly, it has meant forcing myself to pursue activities with them that we BOTH enjoy so that I will spend time with them, instilling small spiritual lessons as we go. Truthfully, there aren’t a TON of common areas of interest, but instead of shoving them off to play without me (super easy to do), I am TRYING to plug in with them and be present.
Katrina recently posted…Trust and Obey: Finding the Rest of My Faith Week 3
So glad you relate.
It’s so interesting, since even writing this I read a book that’s been on my kindle forever by Tim Elmore (?) about mistakes we’re making with our kids. He says one is smothering them. So, I do think there’s a balance somewhere. We want them to be independent but also, because I know you and me, there’s the idea of purposely letting electronics babysit them. That’s not teaching them independence either. Perhaps our work is directing them to more independent work that might make the house messier and require work on our end that way. But also, I do think there’s some quality time issues too and part of that is incorporating Scripture, morals, etc.
Amy recently posted…Four Words for Christian Parents: Under Your Own Roof
I do not have children of my own, but I see my sister struggle to share and find the time to be a disciple to her family. Her husband is not a believer, but she is teaching her kids to believe in God and trust in Him.
My parents were not perfect and they made mistakes, but they did talk about God around us and we prayed often as a family. We did Bible studies and shared about what we were reading in God’s Word and what it meant to us. We were involved in Sunday school, vacation Bible school, youth group and church camps, as well as church when we could make it there – all of which were building our faith. I have seen myself and my siblings question our faith at times over the years and yet we always return to it because it was what our parents instilled in us and it is core to who we are. I am always reminded of this verse about training children: Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Sometimes I think as adults we put a lot of weight on our shoulders to perform a certain way or think we are not doing enough to prepare our kids for the outside world by what we are teaching them. Sometimes the best lesson a child can learn from a parent is by example – they glean a lot from watching a parent in different situations and how they handle themselves, so I truly believe if along with taking our kids to church and getting them involved in prayer, Bible study, sharing their faith and feelings and then being an example of what we as Christians are called to do – that speaks far more to a child – it is like an object lesson playing out in front of them in a subtle way and yet it can a strong lesson in how to live your life. Living the Word is key and often times I have read where a non-believer will tell an individual that they were watching them to see how they would handle something and it changed their lives! As that saying goes…”Actions speak louder than words.” So even when we are not talking to our kids they are watching, listening and learning by our walk.
Yes, parents will make mistakes, but those mistakes can also be used to teach and instruct our kids in how not to do things. Just as the Bible verse you used stated – broken and poured out – sometimes our brokenness is what brings others to Christ. It proves we do not have to be perfect and have all the answers because God is the only perfect one and the only one with all the answers! If we pray for our children each day and ask that God help us to be a disciple to them – He will create opportunities for us to teach them. Won’t be easy to always be an example, as there will be days it will not be easy to hold your tongue or not get upset, but God can use whatever mess we make of things for GOOD! I know my parents lives were not always perfect, but we learned that even during trials and difficulties they had that God was there, as well as in the good times and that just because life gets hard does not mean we give up and throw the towel in – we learned to seek God in every situation, it made our faith stronger, and it has served us well to this day!
Thank you for that, Lori. It’s very encouraging. I do make mistakes and apologize to my kids and I think that means a lot to them and shows them what to do when they do mess up. I think every once in awhile I just need a kick in the pants to remind myself how important it all is, you know?
You know I love this, Amy!
It’s Deuteronomy 6, “The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
It’s just LIVING with Jesus and His Word day in and day out. What’s the verse about everything being created by and for Him? And He is before all things and holds all things together? That’s what I want my kids to see–that EVERYTHING is because of and for Jesus. So, however that works in our lives (going to church, music, crafts, whatever). Not in a cheesy Christian Tshirt way (altho’ you know I love a good Christian tshirt!) but in a recognizing God’s hand EVERYWHERE.
I don’t really have anything to add except a resounding AMEN!
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Thank you, Amanda. I think the second part of that one sentence “living with Jesus AND HIS WORD” that really sticks out to me. I need to be in his word enough to know it and then be bold about speaking it as we live.