Archives for August 2014

More on Feathers, God’s Message To You and a FREE Printable

August 31, 2014 by Amy 5 Comments

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Over the weekend, this feather thing did not die down at all (read this and this to catch up). In fact, more people have contacted me telling me that they have found feathers. Scott even had someone stop him while he was out to tell him she reads here (Hi, Lara!) and she and her friend had found one each! It’s so crazy! Two ladies, 8 states apart were both apple picking this weekend and each found one (Hi, Abby and Katrina!). I have zero idea if that has any significance, but it’s awfully cool!

God would just not let this go for me either. I found some more feathers while I was doing some yard work on Saturday morning. I have an entirely different post to write about that.

Through the weekend, God began to recover some memories of a sermon I heard a long time ago about the Jewish traditions and the significance of feathers and wings with the tallit, or prayer shawl that Jews would wear. After some digging and researching, I truly believe that God is trying to speak to us and has some comforting words.

In the meantime, God has been pulling me out of my comfort zone lately and asking me to speak instead of just write. It’s so entirely not in my wheelhouse to speak. However, it was so much to wrap my head around, I’m not even sure I could have written it all.

I know it’s long, but if you have a few spare minutes, please watch this. I’m far from a scholar (give me grace), but God can still speak to you through my stumbling words. He wouldn’t put me through this if he couldn’t!

If you can’t watch, know that God loves you so much and you are not alone in your struggles!

As a thank you, I created a FREE printable for you. Even if you haven’t found your feather yet, you can print this and let it be your reminder. Click HERE for the download or feel free to pin the image below.

Psalm 91:4

Keep sharing your feathers with me in email or on our Facebook wall and we can all share on Friday on social media with #FeatherFriday.

Remember, it’s not about the feather, but about a God who wants to remind you to draw close to Him in your struggles. He is ready and oh so willing to protect you, love you and provide for you.

#FeatherFriday

August 29, 2014 by Amy 3 Comments

Y’all, something is going on with these feathers.

If you aren’t on social media, I should tell you I had totally forgotten that Jac0b had been collecting feathers at his foster home. Can you believe that? We now have a legitimate collection. And do you know notice the blue theme? It happens to be Jac0b’s favorite color and his birthstone.

Since Wednesday, several people have posted to my wall, tagged me on Instagram or have texted me and let me know they have also found feathers. And it’s not like they’re going out and looking for them. My friend Sarah said for the first time in 5 years of living at her home, one was lying on the ground right in front of her car door. My friend Beth said she found one right in front of the door at work. My sister-in-law found one INSIDE the door at work. It’s like God is placing these feathers right in their paths. And I’ve noticed a pattern with many of them–it’s when they are coming and going to and from work.

I believe he wants to remind not just me that I’m loved and provided for, but also these ladies too! The point is not the feathers. The point is God is talking to us!!

So, let’s make this a thing, feel free to share during the week, but if you’re on social media, use the tag #FeatherFriday and we can all see the feathers together in one day. If you don’t have social media, I’ll be glad to post for you!

Scott and I had to go to the Apple store today (Friday) to get his iPhone battery replaced under warranty today. Of course, we had to swing into Cheesecake Factory for lunch and I did some window shopping. There, in Pottery Barn, I stopped in my tracks when I saw this display.

Pottery Barn doesn’t know it, but even they are on board with #FeatherFriday.

Apparently feathers are a thing right now because they had this pillow for sale.

I couldn’t not get it. I mean, really, I NEVER buy anything at Pottery Barn, but I had to have this one.

Oh my goodness, it is perfect in my living room. Seriously made for our house. You can’t tell in the picture either, but it has lots of blue in it.

Thanks to all your suggestions, I’m going to get a shadow box hopefully this weekend to display the feathers we have found as a family. I love these visual reminders that God loves us and will provide for us right in the space where we are doing life together.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4

And speaking of, life was good this week, thanks to some adoptive moms who have reached out and therapists and some good ‘ol hormones acting right. It’s amazing how much good it does to just hear everything is normal and expected. This is a huge transition time for all of us and even though I was a little blindsided by some of our issues, I think I’m in a better place emotionally to handle it. And as God has been using the feathers to confirm, we’re gonna be alright.

Three Feathers

August 27, 2014 by Amy 10 Comments

My fingers are flying across the keyboard this morning. I witnessed a straight-up miracle and I can’t tell you fast enough.

The Lord has provided so many confirmations throughout this process and there was a new one that I began to recognize last week.

On our first visit with him, Jac0b found a black and blue feather in our back yard. He asked that we keep it for him for the next time he was home. Since then, he has found at least two more. We only have 2 trees in our yard and not many around us in our suburban neighborhood so it’s not like we have droves of birds visiting us.

I thought it was just kind of cool until I remembered the significance of feathers for me in the past.

You might remember this post which I detail out this significance, but if not, I will quickly recap.

When I began thinking about what I wanted this space to look like, I completed a practice that Holley Gerth recommends where you pin any picture on Pinterest that feels like what you want your blog to feel like. You don’t think about it too hard, you just do it.

I didn’t realize when I was doing it, but in a consultation, Holley pointed out feathers or wings were a theme, a symbol of encouragement or lifting others up.

Well, when I went to the blogging conference Allume last year and was questioning a lot of things around my writing, I not only won 1 of 10 paintings that artists painted during a session at Allume, it was a painting of a feather.

feather

There’s a whole lot more to this story, but the bottom line is God was saying, I see you broken, I love you, I want to replenish you and call you out for my purposes. You just need to be available.

So, this morning, I just really wanted to share with you how I felt with the feathers and Jac0b that the Lord was still saying this to me, and based on the past few posts, you know how desperately I need to hear this message.

I got home from taking the kids to school and I really felt the Lord asking me not to do my normal exercises but to take Bella on a walk. She stared at me in eager agreement so I went. I was thinking about writing this post and simply asked the Lord if he could possibly send me a feather on my walk this morning. It felt so silly, but I told him I believed he could do it. I would watch and walk. God has provided for me in a walk before, so I had faith he could do it.

So I go around a turn, up a hill and start to turn back. As I was walking back down the hill, normally I would turn left to go back home, I felt the Lord prompting me to turn right. And I felt this message in my spirit: sometimes you have to go to the unfamiliar and uncomfortable places to find God. I never turn right at this place because in the past, there has been a dog that lives down that way that is not so friendly with my dogs. The dog has since moved, but it still feels a little scary to me. It’s ridiculous, I know.

So I did it. I hadn’t found my feather yet and I thought, well, that would be pretty cool if I did find it there.

I turned the corner and wouldn’t you know, almost immediately there was a feather sitting right on the side of the road.

photo 1feather

I literally gasped when I saw it. He had done it! The Lord had provided a feather!

I picked up the feather and felt like I was holding a miracle in my hands. And so I believed even more, we are in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar land right now with this adoption, but if we ask and seek the Lord, he will provide.

So I started back on my walk to my house and I got to the house and I felt the Lord once again prompting me to go beyond my house, where I don’t normally walk my dog. I asked the Lord, really, do you think you can provide another feather for me this morning? It just feels like so much to ask.

I didn’t get another 50 feet and there it was. A feather right in the middle of the road.

photo 2feather

I gasped again. Lord, you did it! Another feather!

I went to turn back to home and still, the Lord was prompting me to go to the end of my road. It’s a big hill down and back up and really, I just didn’t want to go. I thought really, Lord, could you provide even one more feather for me if I go?

Guys, I got to the very bottom of our street and there in the cul-de-sac sat a little baby feather.

photo 3feather

One for each of my three kids.

Listen to me. God is with us. He’s with you. He needs us to be available. He needs us to ask him for help. He needs us to believe that He can provide. He needs us to be aware and attentive to how he is providing. He loves us so, so much that he can provide whatever we need for us to believe this is true over and over and over.

Thank you to those of you who are praying for me. I see Him and I hope you are encouraged that your prayers are powerful and effective. God is so good!

Learning to Trust

August 25, 2014 by Amy 6 Comments

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Last week was hard. We got Some News and we’ve been dealing. But even more than that, we have been trying to get through every day life.

I have no desire to air the details of our dirty laundry, but at the same time, I feel a burden to honestly share what adopting an older child from foster care looks like.

The short of our main issue right now is that Jac0b simply doesn’t trust me. I’m so happy that the bond was formed quickly and strongly with Scott. But, when I am the main caretaker, particularly when he works long weekends like this past one, it makes life not so fun.

Truthfully, I have been blindsided by the lack of trust. I get it, though. He has no reason to trust anyone, especially any mother figure. I guess I just thought our issues would be some sort of behavioral or anger issues totally unrelated to me.

You don’t realize how much your kids trust you until you have one that doesn’t. Simple things like administering medicine is not within the realms of trusted duties. Overall, Jac0b is a super sweet kid who wants to please, but he seems to be simply tolerating me right now. No major outbursts, but it’s clear I am performing the functions of fixing him food and cleaning his clothes and not much more. The bond that he has with Scott where he wants to please him, wants his opinion and trusts wholly what he has to say is simply not there for us yet.

It will come in time, I know. I am trustworthy. He just needs time to learn that. It will be my great honor to earn his trust one day. And I do see moments where he’s reaching out to me. I am trying my best to do the same.

The few incidents we did have this weekend, though, seemed to all trigger some sort of painful memory from my past. It seriously felt like spiritual warfare. I know he had no idea what was going on, but it was like Satan said let’s pick every single painful memory Amy has and let’s have Jac0b say or do something to not only hurt her now, but remind her of that time in her past where it hurt her then too. My junk is coming to the surface. It’s so not his fault, but I felt a little beat up.

On top of this, I had PMS the past few days which always dramatizes everything. It was a toxic mix. I cried for hours on Saturday and in front of friends—which I never do.

We’re getting help. The Lord is sending people to us. I’m making calls to therapists, having conversations and getting a ton of support through the school. Adoption certainly is not for anyone lacking a good support system.

We still feel so much peace that we’re right where we’re supposed to be. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s bad.

I was listening to the book of John Saturday morning and the verse John 1:11 stood out to me like never before:

He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.

I have always passed by that verse without a thought, but I had to pause the recording. It was exactly how I was feeling. I’m putting myself out there to Jac0b. He’s my son and yet, he is not receiving me the way I hope.

I am learning just a tiny sliver of what Jesus experienced.

And what did Jesus do? He was faithful until his work was accomplished even when he was rejected, mocked and beaten.

God has been turning this around and asking me if I trust Him enough to do this. Do I really believe that He is making us a family? Do I trust that He will supply all my needs? I am asking for Jac0b’s trust, but am I giving the same to God?

I am so thankful that God has been showing me over the past years how much he loves me and delights in me. I have been resting in that the past few days. I admit, it’s hard to press in, knowing I could get unknowingly hurt again and again, but it’s the very definition of unconditional love God calls us to and what Jesus modeled for us. The good news is I don’t have to do it in my own strength. He loves me and I am to receive that and love Jac0b with that overflow.

Will you pray specifically that I would be bold in my parenting—to correct when needed, that I would forgive quickly and that Jac0b would begin to glimpse my faithfulness to him?

I know I’ve been single-minded lately and this blog looks a little different than it has in the past. Maybe things will return to normal, whatever that is, one day. But for now, thank you for traveling this road with us.

Praising and Begging

August 21, 2014 by Amy 16 Comments

MaRabelo

I’ve heard of people, that in face of great danger, sacrifice, turmoil or opposition, they praise the Lord instead of complain. Many find it inspiring that someone would have such great faith to actually praise the Lord in terrible circumstances.

I’m beginning to believe, though, that they praise him not because of great faith but because of their need for great faith.

These last days have been hard. New things have arisen. Jac0b is safe. Everyone is safe. No one’s going anywhere. We are more certain as ever before that things are happening as they should. But things have happened–things which I cannot talk about it and I’m sorry to be vague. But I need you to know even though this is exactly right and you’ll see smiles in the pictures, there is more going on. Isn’t there always?

When I have been at my lowest, I have been singing praise because I need to believe. I need more faith that He is good, that He’s working everything out for our good and that He can be trusted. I praise Him because if I do not, I am lost in despair, in grief, in anxiety, and in anger.

My heart is longing more than ever for God to rescue us forevermore from this sin that entangles us. We are all slaves to these feeble bodies. And the consequences are sometimes more than I can handle. I do not want to beg for his coming so others have time to know him, but today I do.

Today I praise and today I beg.

Pray for us?

When Our Best Yes Was Almost a No

August 19, 2014 by Amy 3 Comments

This post is part of Lysa TerKeurst’s “The Best Yes” Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers. To learn more, CLICK HERE. (http://goo.gl/bQVJW0)

Lysa TerKeurst at The Best Yes Book Launch in Charlotte, NC

It’s very hard to believe that we only met Jac0b a month ago. It’s been quite a ride already. We’ve seen God open door after door quickly and if you know the social services world, that’s rare.

One story I haven’t told yet, though, is how we almost said no to Jac0b.

In case you missed it, we spent the bulk of May with thoughts that we might adopt a little boy that we found out about from one of our friends. We began making many preparations for his arrival. We cleared out the playroom to make it into a bedroom and spent time crossing things off our to-do list around the house. Once we found out he was being placed with another family, we were disappointed. Once again, we had a no from God.

We were at peace, though, knowing that if that wasn’t our child, then God was still at work bringing him home.

But we couldn’t help but feel that God was on the move. Adoption didn’t leave our minds.

In late June, we began exploring the idea of fostering a little boy for a short time. Without going into too much detail, this little boy’s family is struggling and we have been banging our heads trying to find a way to help them move forward. We began talking with each other about taking custody of him until the family could get some forward momentum going.

We thought maybe God had led us start preparing in May just so we would be ready for this move.

But, every time we talked about it, we talked in circles always just looking at each other in the end and saying, “I just don’t know.”

Sure, it was a “good” thing to do. Helping a family in need in hard times is something we’re supposed to do. It seemed hard, but we thought maybe God was just calling us to something hard and we were just having trouble saying yes.

When we talked with family about it, some were ok with it, but others didn’t feel peace about it.

We talked to an attorney to see what options we had since it would be an arrangement on our own, and not through social services. After those conversations, we felt even less peace about it. We never gave an outright no to anyone, but we began to just sit on it to see if God would move our hearts to an absolute yes.

In conversations with someone about it, they said, “If you say yes to this, though, you are basically saying no to your adoption.”

If we took this child in, we really weren’t sure when we’d be giving him back. What if we were matched while we still had him? Would DSS even consider us still if we were already fostering another child?

As it turned out, just one week later, we did get the call from DSS that we’d been matched with Jac0b. And I don’t think anyone would argue that he absolutely is the one who is supposed to be with our family.

He is what Lysa TerKeurst calls our Best Yes.

I can’t imagine that we may have missed out on Jac0b or the very least, it would have made some relationships very strained and not have helped anyone at all in the process.

Lysa talks in her book The Best Yes about making wise decisions. When you say yes to one thing, you’re saying no to another. And a lot of times those decisions are between something good and good. Some decisions are clear-cut, but decisions like these are hard. Should we foster a child to help a family out or hold out on the adoption we feel God has called us to? Good and good.

Our life is full of these decisions between good and good. Do I do a bible study or do I stay home and cook dinner for my family? Do we sign him up for soccer or boy scouts? Do we homeschool or do we send them to public school? So many big and small decisions we must make in life.

I have found that there are 3 things that help me when I make decisions.

1 – Does what I want to do line up with God’s word? If it’s sinful or unwise, clearly that’s a no decision. In this case, there was no reason to think Biblically it was wrong.

2 – Are the people around me that love the Lord confirming that it’s a good decision? Many times, I have seen that God will use godly people around you to confirm a decision. Sometimes it’s through a book or a sermon or people close to you or sometimes it’s someone we haven’t talked to in a while but the Lord lays us on their hearts. But usually, I find that it’s confirmed from someone somewhere. Be cautious here because sometimes God asks us to do hard things and our friends and families aren’t on board. I have found that the next step will help you determine these best yes decisions most.

3 – Do I feel an utter peace and conviction from the Holy Spirit that this is what I’m supposed to do? Most of the time, I know it’s the Lord asking me to do things when I feel peace and not confusion. When I feel confusion, I know that is not the Lord. He is not a God of confusion. Now don’t confuse confusion with difficulty. Many times he asks us to do difficult things, but we can still feel peace and conviction that we’re supposed to do it. I remember when we moved to Columbia, SC it was a very difficult decisions, but we were at peace with it and looking back now, God absolutely helped us through that time and it was the right thing. In our case this time, we could not come to a peaceful, convicted state so we knew not to move forward.

The Lord knew His plans. Just a week later our best yes was presented and we have felt nothing but peace and joy through the process of adopting Jac0b and we have had many people confirm with us they see God at work.

Part of me wonders if that was a test of our faith to say, do you really believe that I called you adoption? Will you say no to the dream I planted in your hearts or will you trust me to provide?

What are some decisions you’re struggling through right now? Pray that the Lord will show you through his word any clear direction, willl bring people into your life to help speak wisdom and slow down enough to hear his Holy Spirit give you that peace.

If this is a topic you need some more wisdom on, I’d highly recommend Lysa TerKeurst’s The Best Yes. This book will encourage you and remind you of the importance of slowing down so you can see the Lord working and hear his best yes for you.

And I’m so thankful for people like Lysa who use their gifts of writing to instill wisdom into the lives of women so we can enjoy our Best Yes!

First Day of School and a Stay at Home Mom {of 3!}

August 18, 2014 by Amy 2 Comments

It’s Monday morning, but just barely. Lunch time is already upon me. It is my first day as a stay-at-home-mom-while-the-kids-are-in-school. It’s not permanent, of course. I probably will return to work next week. But today? It’s good. I have wanted so long to be at home and while I have come to peace with working full-time, I am enjoying this while I can. I have not ever, since I started working at 15, taken any sort of extended break beyond a week for vacation, except for the births of my first two. And then, I was a disaster and busy with a newborn.

Today, I got the kids off to school, came home and exercised and then it was my absolute privilege to finish the laundry–even iron!–vacuum, do dishes, get dinner in the crockpot, make beds and straighten up rooms. I can’t tell you how many times I have sat at my desk working, seeing all the things that need done around me and wishing I could get them done. My mom told me I shouldn’t lift a finger today and just relax. And while I do plan on picking up a book in a few minutes, this taking care of my home and family is a complete and utter joy to me today.

Is that hokey? Because it felt kind of hokey writing that. And honestly, I’m not sure I could do this 365 days a year. But really, it feels good for it to be Monday and know that I don’t have a list a mile long that I need to do to catch-up from the weekend.

And speaking of the weekend, we finished our first full week with Jac0b and the last week of summer with a bang.

My uncle, aunt and two boys were in town for the last half of the week so we spent the bulk of our time with them.

Friday we all went to Carowinds. It was Jac0b’s first time there and even though he’s not quite tall enough to ride the big rides, he was excited to ride anything someone else was. And if you remember this post, then you’ll know that excites me to no end. I have a riding partner, y’all!

Saturday we let the kids play ball and swim. Then, I was off to the Hillsong concert with my sister. If they are playing near you, please get a ticket. It’s not so much a concert as it is a 2 hour worship session.

Sunday was our norm. Although, while we were picking up last minute things for school, we ended up picking up a basketball goal for Jac0b. We’ve been planning to get one, but have really been waiting for him to show some interest. Yesterday was the day!

As you can see, Scott was a bit overwhelmed and Jac0b was super excited. He couldn’t believe we were buying all of it. I actually had to stop him from playing basketball before school this morning so I could use the time to take the school pictures.

So, they were off without an issue this morning. We had everything prepped last night, everyone woke up in a good mood and all the drop-offs went well. Lexi and Jac0b are riding the bus home and it will be Lexi’s first time. Emma is at her first day of middle school changing classes, so I’m anxious to hear all the reports this afternoon.

And before that afternoon sneaks up on me, I’m going to hop off here and go pick up that book!

One Week

August 14, 2014 by Amy 2 Comments

One week. It’s been one week almost to the minute that we officially signed our adoption papers.

Part of me would like to tell you how hard it’s been and how adoption is not for the faint of heart and we must be saints, but really, it’s been pretty easy. I attribute that to a lot of things, one of which is all the prayer for our family. Thank you to everyone that’s been so supportive of us.

He has blended into our family so well. I know that’s not the case for every adoption, even when prayed over well, and some transitions are downright brutal. But I certainly cannot say that for us.

His DSS case worker came by for our first visit yesterday and within 10 minutes she looked at me with wide eyes and said, “I have never seen him smile this much. He clearly is happy.” She had told us that he didn’t smile or laugh much, but that certainly has not been what we’ve seen.

Almost everyone that meets him tells us he fits in so well. It still astounds me how he fits in emotionally, culturally, spiritually and even physically. We certainly were not expecting any of it, really. My friend made the comment that she thinks God might have prepared us for the worst (or maybe Satan tried to frighten us with it) and then God gave us the best-case scenario.

Although, it’s only been a week and we’ve all basically been on a staycation for the last week. I haven’t worked, Scott took the weekend off and we’ve been doing fun things like going to the local museum, out shopping and playing games around the house. I expect a (literal) wake-up call when school starts next week and I begin to return to work in the next few weeks.

In some ways though, I think it says at least something that we’re all together nearly 24-7 and we all seem to be getting along ok.

All this isn’t to say that it’s been perfect. They are still fighting over the van, he is learning to listen the first time and the kids argue, but it’s nothing we wouldn’t experience with a biological child.

I know this week has been tough with the news. I can barely read the headlines. But take this post as some good news among the bad. At least one orphan has found his home and he’s happier than ever.