I stand at the kitchen counter. It’s late but we haven’t put the blinds down yet. I reach for another dirty dish in the water and stare at my reflection in the window. Did I ask for this? When we were young and carefree did I know I’d be here like this?
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I carry another basket of laundry in my hands. I pass the kids playroom and don’t bother to remind them to clean up again. I catch my reflection in the mirror at the end of the hall. I’m still wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday. Was this part of the deal?
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I leave my computer to answer calls from the playroom for food. Again. I am speechless at the door as they’ve pulled all of their toys in the floor. It was spotless ten minutes ago.
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Lord, help me. I can’t keep doing this. I’m so tired of doing everything over and over and over.
You’re right. You’re too pretty for this. Too smart. Wouldn’t it be better all on your own? Can you imagine how great that would be?
Lord, I know those are lies but help me. I’m drowning and I’m tired and no one sees.
Beloved, I see. I see.
“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.”
Colossians 3:23
Wow, Amy! That is definitely a post that…especially as mothers….we can all relate to, for sure.
Great job putting it all down into words!
[rq=2367,0,blog][/rq]I’m officially crazy.
Funny how posting on Twitter what a cruddy night I’ve had, I decide to come read your blog before logging off the computer. Thanks Amy I needed this. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways and I am thankful he put you in my life.
I knew someone else needed to hear this. Shannon, I’m glad it was you.
Amy,
Do you have any idea how many times I felt that way (tear running down my cheek)? And yet at the time, (as you know in your heart) knowing full well (or at least in faith) that it was for a greater cause, being there for my two baby girls and being the best mom I could possiblily be (selfless on many occassions).
And Amy I wouldn’t trade it for all the money or free time in the world! And I am one of the truly blessed ones. And by the way, I don’t know of a better mother than you (and you know I always tell it how I see it)!
Your mom!
I beleive all mom’s have felt that way. We all get frustrated and down in the dumps sometimes. But it is all worth while! Those times that your little one comes up and says “I love you mommy” and gives you the biggest hug! or your spouse looks at you that special way, with such love in his eyes, when you are not feeling even remotely pretty that day, or when you hear your child pray and they have that childlike love and faith as they talk to their Lord. It’s all those little things, that are really the big things that make it all worth while. I would’nt trade it for anything in the world! We mom’s need to really be praying for each other because satan will really try to use those down in the dumps days to attack us. I will be keeping you in my prayers Amy! We have all been there. And isn’t it so wonderful when we feel our Saviour wrap his arms around us and we feel that wonderful sense of “beloved I see, I see” and we can trust that he’s with us every step of the way! Love ya girl keeping you in my prayers!
Wow. Amy, your writing is amazing. This is why we write – to get these feelings out of our heads and into a place where others can say, “I’ve been there,” or “thank you.”
Thank you for always writing from the heart. I know that’s the hardest thing to do.
P.S. I don’t mind doing dishes, so anytime that sink looks too overwhelming for one person, remember that’s what a best friend is for.
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..On summer memories and kitten costumes and best friends =-.