friends and/or family

Well, good morning, folks!  It is a happy Monday morning indeed.  At least, I hope it is. In full disclosure, I’m writing this on Sunday night.  I imagine it will be a happy Monday except that I will be driving first thing to work for an all-day training class and let’s be honest, that’s very Monday morning-ish, yes?  Let’s just hope your Monday is happy.

I am happy to be writing again.  Please excuse my 6-day absence, but I do believe I am back in the land of the living.  I came down with a fever on Tuesday morning. I managed to work through the day, shivering and achy, but by Wednesday morning I was done for.  In fact, I took a real, live sick day, even though I can work remote, and slept until noon. I haven’t done that in years and years. Unfortunately, I didn’t sleep it off, whatever it was. As the day wore on, I was becoming more convinced it was strep throat.

By the time I woke up Thursday morning, I was sure it was strep throat and shuffled my way over to urgent care where I cried when the nurse wasn’t very nice to me and swabbed my throat THREE times because my tongue kept getting in the way or something.

The antibiotics worked it’s magic, though, and by Saturday I was nearly back to normal with a little Ibuprofen and cough drops—enough to go engagement ring and wedding dress shopping with my mom and sister, WHO IS GETTING MARRIED THIS OCTOBER.

Yep.

After a 40 day fast from Facebook, she announced they are engaged this weekend.

The happy couple

She’s been dating a guy that Scott and I have known forever from Scott’s home church for a few months now. I wish I would have written it down like I thought, but I guessed they’d be getting married within weeks of them meeting. In fact, I gave them 6 months to be engaged. They’re seriously great together.

The only picture from dress shopping I can share without getting in trouble. Wedding planning with social media in the mix is all new to me and I’m trying to learn the rules.

I wish I could write her story all down so you might know what a momentous occasion this will be. In fact, it’d probably make a great novel. My sister has been through a lot.  Death, deception, disappointments, disease, diets, dating, debt.  God has spent the past 3 years restoring so much of her first 3 decades.  Seeing God give her a companion (that adores her) to travel this new road with is just beyond exhilarating.

 Brakefield, the venue of the wedding

The view at Brakefield from the ceremony location.  It should much more green in October.

For my blogging friends, I should tell you I will not be at Allume this year.  The only date the venue had open is the same weekend.  The good news is the money and time we had budgeted for that weekend will just be moved and believe me, I am very happy for it. 

Scott and his future brother-in-law chatting in the Bride’s room at Brakefield. This picture makes me all sorts of happy. They’re so much fun together.

So, once again, I look back at my post from the first of the year where I looked expectantly to the new year, unsure of what would come.  February brought more sickness, snow, and sad news but also such happy moments and the best of best news.

I look forward to bidding last week, February and indeed, the entire winter both a hearty thank you and a good riddance.

I post this with much fear and trepidation and with as much respect to the families involved as I can possibly muster.  Our hearts are with you.

Monday evening I was driving home from work in the rain.  With the impending snowstorm, I knew the drive would not be a short one.  After an hour of driving, I was nearly home, just an exit off of the interstate and a few miles and I was there.  I decided to go an alternate route and head down the Interstate one more exit to avoid traffic in town and come to my house from the South side.  Traffic grinded to a halt and my short cut apparently was cut short by an accident in the next town which was backing up traffic all the way up the Interstate.

Later, I heard the grumbling on Facebook about a fatal accident involving a drunk driver on one of the main roads.  I didn’t think much of it.  The next morning, though, I yelled at my screen when I saw the article announcing that the drunk driver was someone I knew.

Casie, the article said, had a blood alcohol level over the legal limit and rear-ended a vehicle, killing a young 22 old mother named Kristen Knight.

I cannot wrap my head around the devastation on either side.  Like, I have been sick on my stomach thinking about it since I heard.  As I type, it is 2 in the morning and I cannot sleep because it is heavy on my mind.

Listen, I have very little tolerance for drunk driving. It is something my family talks about often.  Our kids, at a very early age, understood what drunk driving was and understood what devastation it could bring.  Drunk driving is not just a mistake, it is a choice.  We pay our bills with that belief.

And then Monday comes and Casie is the one making that choice.  And while I in no way condone her decision, I can tell you that’s not the Casie I knew.  Casie was one of the sweetest students in my graduating class.  We weren’t extremely close, but I remember her to be a gentle spirit with a smile on her face.  She was active in school and voted best looking in our Senior Superlatives. She had a supportive mother and by all accounts, I knew her to be a believer.

But somewhere, something must have gone terribly wrong.  The facts state she had another DUI charge in 2008, so perhaps it’s been going wrong for a long time.

And I can’t help but think of my emotional affair and so many bad choices I made.  Sin that entangles us does that to us.  Our souls get enslaved and we say yes to our master without counting the consequences.

Oh, the consequences this time.  Two mothers. One whose life was taken too early and another ruined.

To Casie I want to tell you that I have no stones to throw.  I will be the first to set mine down, understanding that I am simply lucky my bad decisions haven’t yet had such devastating consequences.   Redemption is available through Jesus Christ our Lord.  He still has plans for you. He still loves you.  He still forgives you.  The crowd may not, but God says nothing—nothing—can separate his love from you.  You may have gotten busted on Monday but I think you were busted up long before then.  Use this opportunity to draw close to Him and let him heal those parts of you.  He can give a new heart and a new zeal and fill all of those places you’ve been trying to fill.  People are crying for you to rot, but God is crying to let Him redeem.

To the family of Kristen I would say a million apologies.  Our family has lost loved ones due to drunk driving and it will turn a life inside out.  It is absolutely terrible what has happened.  I would beg of you, though, to work towards forgiveness of Casie. She might be the one sitting behind bars where she rightly deserves to be, but if you do not let grace and forgiveness take over, it will be your own souls barred, tortured and enslaved by bitterness.  And it’s no way to live.  No way.  Do it not for her, but for you.  Why do you forgive someone like Casie?  Because God first forgave you.  If his mercy is big enough and good enough to cast all of your sin as far as the east is from the west, then it has to be big enough for Casie’s too.

To others reading, I have on my heart two things we can do.

First, for Kristen’s family, a fund has been set up to take care of their expenses.  Donate what you can and let’s rally around this family and help them in their time of trouble.  Let’s show a world who York County really is because I know it to be full of compassionate, loving, Southern souls who know how to take care of each other.

Second, reach out to Casie and her family.  I’m trying to get more info on how, but she has a long, terrible road ahead of her and is going to need support from wherever she can get it.

And finally, I hate to sound trite but we have to take a look at this and remind ourselves we are all only a decision away from altering so many lives.  If it can happen to Casie and Kristen, it can happen to us.  Let’s keep our roads in York County safe–please do not drink and drive.  If you ever EVER need a ride anywhere, Scott and I will drive you, no questions asked.

I am praying for peace for all of us.  That God would rain down a spirit of grace in our region and give us the ability to forgive and that it would remind us how desperately we all need a Savior every single day.

Update

Letters can be mailed to:

Casie Terrell Cunningham
Inmate #: 48763A
York County Detention Center
1675-3A York Hwy
York, SC 29745

I hope you enjoyed your long weekend, if you did indeed have one. I took a half-day off on Friday and then was off yesterday. I’d like to say it was glorious, but unfortunately it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.  We did have some great moments though.

Car Adventures

We found out at the end of last week that our van was totaled from the wreck.  We’ve been on a major hunt for the right next car.  I’ve mentioned a time or two how indecisive I am and such a big purchase is weighing heavy on me.  It’s probably part of the reason we had our van for 9 years with no end in sight.

We’re looking at several options, all with upsides and downsides.  We’ve looked at everything from a used 4-door sedan to a brand new van.  We spent hours at several dealerships this weekend, coming very close to purchasing a van, only to walk away when the numbers just didn’t work. 

We spent hours scouring Craigslist and AutoTrader and calling and texting and test driving cars.  The kids are tired of hearing, “We’re going to look at a car.”  We spent hours discussing every single angle to each purchase.

It’s been exhausting and tear-inducing.

I’m so thankful for choices, but it’s so stressful trying to make the wisest choice while trying to factor in everyone’s happiness, comfort, security and financial peace all while trying to predict maintenance problems of a used vehicle. With no decision in sight, I suppose what I’m saying is we’d appreciate your prayers. We finally found this Jaguar XF for Sale in Portsmouth and many other cars that were in perfect condition for us.

EdVenture

In the midst of all our car drama, we enjoyed a family day at EdVenture in Columbia, SC.  EdVenture is the South’s largest children’s museum.  The girls were most excited about their World of Work exhibit.  Basically, the entire downstairs is sectioned into rooms, each featuring a job they can explore hands-on.

Emma was most excited about the grocery store which included a working scanner and register.

Lexi was most excited about the veterinary clinic.

Emma also loved the dentist.

And Lexi loved the surgery area.

I only wish we had gone years ago. While they clearly had fun, most of the activities were geared towards younger children.  We bypassed several areas because the girls felt like it was too childish.  Five or six years ago we wouldn’t have been able to tear them away.  If you have preschoolers or early elementary aged kids, you should high-tail it Columbia.

Still, it was a nice road-trip for us and as a bonus, we got to have dinner on the way home with our friends David and Dani who moved near Columbia last year.

Highs and lows, it still was a nice break from work with lots of time together.  How was your weekend?

Well.  The first big surprise of 2014 has shaken us.

On early Friday morning I was on my way home from taking the girls to school.  I was on a busy two lane road, nearly home.  There is an intersection with an entrance to a large neighborhood on the left and just across the street is a road with a stop sign.  Two cars were waiting to turn left into the neighborhood, several cars were waiting at the stop sign and many other cars were traveling both directions on the street I was traveling south on, but I always feel safe thanks to the One Sure Insurance that I use.  Just as I was approaching the intersection, a Camaro that had been traveling north pulled out in front of me to turn left onto the side street.  A blur of silver went to my right and then I was hitting the back of the car.

You know how sometimes you know you’re going to wreck and you slam on brakes and throw out your hand to protect the passenger?  I didn’t do that this time.  I didn’t see the crash getting ready to happen even for a split second.  One second I was driving and the next I was wrecking.

That was only half of the wreck, though.  What happened at this point was mostly recounted to me.

After I hit the car, my van bounced into the middle of the street.  The Camaro had been pushed into a Honda Pilot that was waiting at the stop sign.  The driver of the Honda Pilot meant to slam on her brakes but instead gunned the gas so she zoomed into the intersection and hit the back end of my van.

I was just realizing I had hit a car the first time and getting my bearings when I felt the second crash.

I was shaken but not hurt. All of our right side airbags deployed, but I didn’t hear or see when.

Bella had been sleeping in the passenger seat and had been thrown in the floorboard.  She wasn’t whimpering, just looked surprised, and immediately crawled up to me, shaking like a leaf–which she would continue to do for the next 90 minutes. 

I got out of the van and ensured no one was seriously hurt and then gathered Bella and my phone and called Scott who was working in the next town.

After that was a blur of fire trucks, police cars and such.  We were there for over 2 hours.  I later found out that several area schools didn’t count tardies because the traffic jam had held so many up.

I was SO thankful the girls were not with me and that no one was injured.  Even though it certainly wasn’t in our plan to deal with this, it is a minor inconvenience compared to what could have happened.

A few might recall the wreck we had over two years ago with the same van.  Based on the damage from that as well as input from the body shop and others, we fully expect the van to be totaled.

As you might recall in my yearly goals, one of our big financial goals this year was to start saving for a new van.  Our plan just got accelerated.  We spent quite a bit of time looking at some vans in the area over the weekend.  We have our eye on a newer Toyota Sienna a friend is selling, but I admit I will miss having my Honda.

The girls are handling it well.  I went to the school to tell them what happened on Friday and let them know to look for the rental car at school pick-up.  Both were concerned most about Bella and whether we were going to get a new car.  Lexi still has not warmed up to the idea that we will likely not have a carbon copy of our Odyssey.

A few more thoughts from the wreck:

Even when you do everything right, bad stuff still happens.  My phone was tucked in my purse, the radio was off, I wasn’t distracted by anything in the car, I wasn’t speeding.  There’s nothing I could have done to prevent this accident.  It’s just life. It happens.

It’s never too early to prepare.  Scott and I have been saying for years we needed to prepare our savings to buy a new van.  It’s that moment you want to rewind and tell yourself to start saving your money.  We aren’t stressed by the money, but our decisions would be easier if we had prepared like we knew we should have.

Life changes in an instant.  It really is amazing how everything can change in a few seconds.  I wrote it not two weeks ago that this year would bring us surprises, but it still surprised me. How fleeting life is and how little we truly control.

Life has continued mostly normal through the weekend and every time, I stop and say thank you for the normal.  Thank you that I have to go buy a birthday present at Walmart, thank you that we get to have dinner with friends, thank you that I’m standing and singing on Sunday morning at church, thank you that I’m cleaning my kids’ room.  It’s all grace—the surprises and the mundane.