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Scott and I got in a fight this morning.  Like, I was almost yelling before my eyes even opened for the day. I shoved past him in the bathroom. We were barely polite getting the kids ready for school.  I cried on the way home from taking them. I’m not proud of it, but I feel like you need to know it happens.  We’ve all been there–saying things we don’t mean, holding our silences longer than we should.  It’s marriage and we’re people.

The past few days have had some rough spots with the kids too, both individually and amongst them.  It feels like since we got our court date we’ve been fighting fires, one after another.  We get one kid settled and the other decides to do something. That issue is resolved and then two of them go at each other.

We all have crap individually. Yours may not look like mine but I bet something is going on. And then, if that weren’t enough, we’re all feeling this heaviness as a nation because of Ferguson.

It’s overwhelming isn’t it?  There’s no clear path to the truth or to justice or to peace.

But what I find interesting is that in all these cases, we all have this burning desire in us to get to those things.  There’s something innate that’s striving for truth, justice and peace. I happen to believe it’s a God-given desire for Himself.

The Prince of Peace. The Way. The Truth.

And what I remembered today in all of this is we are not each other’s enemies.  I am not Scott’s. My daughter is not my son’s. One race is not the other’s.

Satan is our enemy. He wants us divided–brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, citizens of your city.  Division is what he’s after.  I’m afraid he’s winning in a lot of ways.

I don’t have any sort of control over a lot of it,  but I do have some in my own relationships and in myself.

So I do the hard work of trying to get my kids to get along. Scott and I apologize and we hug. I try to mourn with those the mourn and be slow to anger and slow to speak and find what truth I can and forgive where I need to.

These decisions won’t win the war, but they do win some battles and that’s something.

 If Satan is our enemy and division is his goal, what battles are raging in your life right now and what is God’s path to peace?

A new online community was born this week.  Deeper Waters is a sisterhood of women who want to go deeper in their faith, marriage, friendships, creativity and motherhood.

The founder is Denise J. Hughes, a university writing professor. She tells the story of how she prayed to the Lord for his Church to come together.  She has traveled around the country meeting women and has felt led to bring them together in an online space to encourage other women. Deeper Waters is the answer to her prayers.

The hope is that everyone is welcome, everyone is encouraged and everyone grows in their walk with Jesus. It’s just my kind of place. In fact, I’ll be sharing some stories over there in the coming months. If you’re reading this, I think it’s your kind of place too.  Meet you over there?

It’s the night before her 5th grade graduation and I throw myself on her bed, “You’re going to be a middle schooler!”

“Yeah,” she responds as a matter of fact.  She laughs and plops her iPod down on the bed.  “You need to read these, they are so funny.”

“Teenager Posts”, the images are labeled on Pinterest.  I read through a few.

#5410 “Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the things I thought I lost.”

#18599 “Saying, ‘I hate this song!’ then start singing every lyric.”

I laugh, remembering Jen Hatmaker’s words about teens just a few days ago.

“The weird thing is, those tiny sweet precious littles you are raising? The teens are the same people, just bigger. That humor? Same. That personality? Same. Those tendencies and leanings and giftings? Same. Your quirky 6-year-old who loves science and animal husbandry? Same, he just gets bigger with a lower voice.
Stop imagining that aliens will take over your darling preschooler at age 13.”

I think back to how sad I was at preschool graduation. Like, I could barely hold myself together so I wouldn’t bawl at them singing “I am a Promise.”  I remember how much we struggled about whether to send her to private school or public school. We were so worried about putting her in the right environment to flourish. And then, how hard letting her go to Kindergarten was.  I was terrified she wouldn’t have any help opening her milk carton. 

I feel like I should be sad that we’re finishing elementary school and be panicky about middle school, but I can’t be.  Elementary school has been simply a gift. 

Yeah, we struggled through making a penguin, multiplication facts, spelling lists and the unending packing of lunches (kill me now), but the teachers she’s had and the friends she’s made, has been nothing but a joy.  Not every kid has that experience and my heart aches for them, but we have to celebrate where we can and that’s what we’re doing today.

She’s had the best teachers and the best friends and the best education and you know, I’m simply excited for who my little Emma is becoming. She’s the same little Emma she was at 5 when she started, but also a new little Emma we’re watching bloom.

I’ve spent so many years being scared of the next step. I was scared of middle school before she’d even started kindergarten.  If I’ve learned anything these past 6 years it’s that we don’t have to be anxious about 10 steps from now, we just have to be ready to take the next one.  And we are.

Congratulations, my sweet girl.

Hi!

I’m back.

It’s been a whole month since I announced I was taking a bit of a blogging break and I’m thrilled to finally be back.  It turned out to be quite a month and I tell you all about it in the video below:

For those unable to view video, here’s the cliff notes:

I needed the break more than I realized it when I took it.  I did need a social media break, but I think there was a bit more.

First, we ended up spending the entire month, up until Memorial Day weekend installing our new above ground pool.  Our other one died last fall and we decided to replace it ourselves (mistake).  We had so much rain. What really should have taken an afternoon or two took weeks. Scott even got a big gash one Saturday we were working on it and had to get 8 stitches at the emergency room!  It never seemed to end.  But finally, we are done and I have to say it turned out really, really well and I’m super proud of all the work and very, very grateful for great family and neighbors that helped.

Here is one of many moments of Scott shoveling sand.

Here is my ah-dorable great nephew enjoying it on Memorial Day.

Second, just a day or two after I announced our break, we got a “lead” on a child to foster and adopt.  Unfortunately, we found out just today that we were not the family chosen for him.  However, we spent the entire month preparing for the possibility we’d have someone with us in mid-June.  Of course we were preparing emotionally, but also we were starting to get the house in order to make the play room into the bedroom.  We also were crossing off punch-list items around the house that had been building up while we were working on the pool.

While we are very disappointed the adoption isn’t moving forward, I trust fully that God has it under control and that we will meet our child one day.

Somewhere in mid-May I had Psalm 91:4 come to mind, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.”  I have no doubts God knew to put us in a little bubble this past month where we could concentrate on the tasks at hand.

So, thank you for letting me take a break and coming back.  And please, if you’re feeling burned out yourself, it’s ok to take a break.  Shut down the laptop and the phone.  Turn off the TV.  Say no to a few people and get some rest.  We are all better mothers, daughter, sisters, friends when we invest in our emotional and mental health by resting.

And ya’ll, I’m glad to be back.

I read a book last week called Soul Keeping by John Ortberg.  He quotes his friend (and author, philosopher, professor, speaker, Christian—after reading his bio, I’m feeling very left out of knowing much about him) Dallas Willard in the book multiple times speaking to how we take care of our soul saying,

“You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” 

Then I watched this video with over 2 million other people. I was convicted of the time I had begun to spend scrolling through social media.

I love social media and blogging, but there is an inherent “hurry” aspect to it.  There’s always something new and never a way to catch up. I knew these two ideas were connected for me.

And as much as I love writing here, many times I feel hurried and pressured to dole out posts. And then to Facebook and tweet about the post, and then check for likes and comments on the post. And on and on it goes.

So, I’ve been taking a break.  I took social media off my phone.  I’ve been leaving my phone in my purse.  I’ve been reading more and trying to enjoy what I’m presently doing instead of trying to read more about what others are doing. I’m sitting on my back porch and soaking in some Vitamin D. I’m playing school with my daughter. I’m sitting still at red lights.

Like so many things in my life, I have to pare back to nothing to figure out what, if anything, I can add back in.

I have one more review post I’m committed to here this week (ironically, very related to this topic) and after that, I’m not sure.  Maybe I just need this week off or a month off or the summer off.  I’m not sure yet.  I just know social media and blogging are tangled in this hurry and I’m ready to let some of it go.

Email me in the meantime if you want—maybe send me the really funny videos from Facebook I’m missing? amyjbennett AT gmail DOT com

Ticket Giveaway is closed.  Winners:

Here are your random numbers:

1	5	4	2	7

Timestamp: 2014-03-21 10:58:49 UTC

Congratulations Marie, Lacy, Lisa, Heather, and Ashley!!

If you can get to Rock Hill, SC on April 5th, you’re going to want to visit First Baptist Rock Hill for the Priscilla Shirer Simulcast.

In a preview, Priscilla said she’s going to talk about Elijah Experiences.  She wants us to learn how to be prepared to be women who can call down the fire of heaven!  Plus, Anthony Evans is leading worship.  It’s gonna be pretty fantastic.

Doors will open at 9am, begin at 10am and the day will conclude at 5:35pm.  Snacks and lunch by Southern Salads are provided and included in the $15 ticket price! 

And the best thing is, I have FIVE tickets to give away!

Just leave a comment on this post and tell me if you’ve been to a Priscilla Shirer simulcast before or if this will be your first time.

If you’d like to go ahead and secure tickets, head over here.

I’m trying my best to work out to be there for the day, so if you want someone to sit with, I’m your gal.  Let me know if you want to go together or grab your best gal pals to go.

If you’re not in the area, find a host here or for $20, you can watch in your PJs or with a small group on your own.  Either way, you’ll want to be part of the day.

Now, go comment and win a ticket!

Good Monday morning and Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

I don’t know about you, but I desperately needed this weekend.  Work for me right now is a bit crazy to say the least and I really needed some time to decompress.  I had a beautiful weekend with friends, church family and best of all, my bed! Yay for Sunday afternoon naps!

I have a few things to random things to share and celebrate:

1. I completed my second round AdvoCare’s herbal cleanse.  I can’t recommend it enough.  I lost a few pounds I had gained back over the holidays since I did it last time.  I feel like it reset some good eating habits and just like its name, I feel clean again.  It’s super affordable and you can do it without doing the full AdvoCare line if you don’t want to.
2. Speaking of AdvoCare, I’ve been getting lots of searches for gluten-free options. I created a separate resource page for gluten-free Advocare info in case you have some questions.
3. Along those healthy-ish lines, I finally got some accountability with my exercise.  I bought BeachBody’s T25 Gamma DVD program and joined an accountability group.  I just finished my first week and holy cow. I LOVE this program.  It’s made of 4 different 25 minute exercise programs that you rotate through.  I love the instructor Shaun T. and the minutes zoom by.  Scott is doing it with me so that helps on the accountability front too. I’ve even been getting up extra early and actually looking forward to the workout.  It’s crazy!
4. And finally, I wanted to point you over to a guest post over at Mommy in Bonlee today. I’m recommending 4 books to change your mind, marriage, time and faith.  I wrote this last month and if I were to write it again, I certainly would now choose Battlefield of the Mind as one of the four.  Check out the rest and show Laresa some comment love over there!

I hope your St. Patrick’s Day is wonderful!

Christ beside me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ within me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me.
– Saint Patrick

I’m writing this in the morning hours of Valentine’s Day. It’s already unlike any that I’ve had.  We’ve been snowed in for three days and so my procrastinating self doesn’t have any presents and candy wrapped for the girls.  Don’t tell Scott but I saw that he bought me flowers on our credit card and I doubt they’ll get delivered due to the snow.   We haven’t made any reservations to go out because I’m not quite sure we can make it out.  But, let me say, I’ve never felt more loved and secure than I do today.

Our marriage has been through some hard times.  I know what it’s like to do the Valentine’s Day stuff because it’s expected.  To have a love for each other as people, but not a love and excitement to celebrate being together.  It is only through God’s faithfulness to me to show me his love and my husband’s forgiveness that we aren’t still in shambles.

I’ve spent much of my life like that with God. Knowing in my head that he loves me, but not truly believing it.  I did things because they were the right things to do.  And sometimes, yes, that’s what obedience calls for.  But, there is freedom when you begin to really believe and live like God loves you.

When you live like God loves you, you become generous because God has been generous with you.

You let go of pleasing people because you know of one that delights and sings over you.

You can believe you’re beautiful because you are workmanship of God.

You become content with what you have because you see it all as a gift.

You don’t have to worry because you know He works all things together for your good.

You don’t have to be jealous because you know he gives you what you need when you need.

You can forgive because he first forgave you.

You can let go of your past because he’ll use it for your future.

I know those statements to be true because those are the exact things God has brought me through over the last 20 years.  This year, he’s been showing me it’s love that’s made the difference.  He’s been chipping away at my heart with his love, pursuing me in faithfulness.

And that’s the freedom I hope others have.  You don’t have to be a people-pleasing, worried, jealous, angry, bitter, self-loathing person.  Because that’s who I’d be without Christ.

I’ve asked God this year to simply “show me how you love me.”  Because we know it in our head, but we need to believe it in our hearts. I believe the more we see him loving us, the more we can live in His freedom.

He’s shown me in sunrises, in song lyrics, in our finances, in my writing, in prayers, in people.  It’s truly life-changing when you start believing—for real—that God loves you.

So, if you’re reading this, take this as a first sign that God is trying to tell you he loves you.  Take that and then pray, “show me how you love me.”  What a perfect day for Him to start.

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends.  I love you, too.